I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
