awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
