bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
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