I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
