How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
this is an emotional support booty call
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
