I think I am morally bankrupt
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
