I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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