your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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