tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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