I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
