If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Randomize
