God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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