She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Then you guys just all showered together...?
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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