Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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