wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
PANTIES FOUND
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