i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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