Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
