great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
