Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
