her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
