I feel great
I just peed on a car
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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