I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
