I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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