But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I smell like Dick and happiness
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
