Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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