I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I need a hoe opinion
go on
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
