I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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