he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
