He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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