my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
is wine microwaveable?
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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