You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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