Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Randomize
