When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
you are never too drunk for berry picking
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
