Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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