yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
