Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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