Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Randomize
