I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
