what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
