he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Randomize
