They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Holy sore nipples Batman
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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