How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
