I want to have your abortion
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
