so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
