is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
