? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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