I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
