p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
