Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
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