You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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